Why Does it Seem Like Everyone's Child is Turning 1 Now?

Gosh, I thought I was doing ok this week. Recovering from fibroid surgery isn't great and I'm still not back to myself. It's only been a little over a week...

It's been over 2 1/2 years of us trying to conceive with a lot of heartache throughout. And at the same time, this week, it seems like everyone is turning one. And it's painful to see.

It's painful to think that our child should at least be that age. That's how long we've been wanting him/her to be here with us. Why is it that between face.book postings and cards in the mail for birthday party invitations, I am feeling jealous... and left out. Left out of this motherhood club. Parenthood.

Yet, this week I've felt hope. I've felt hope in a way that I haven't in a really long time. And I'm scared because I've known hope before, and it's failed me each time. But I want to think this is different. I've heard of at least two people who were able to get pregnant after the removal of a fibroid.

And, God, I hope that's us too. Please let it be. I can't stand being jealous and left out anymore.

Road to Recovery

Five days is all it's taken for me to feel normal again. Unbelieveable. Can't believe they can cut me, take out a 4cm fibroid and I'm pretty ok 5 days later. Thanks be to God... or the powers of the universe!

Thursday, the day before surgery was probably the hardest. "De-toxing"  - those laxatives were NOT fun. Nor was not really being able to eat solids. I was hungry by 9:30am!

Friday went ok. The hospital was... hospitable. I only got really nervous as they were prepping me and I tried to throw up, at which time they said 'glad we did the bowel prep'. Ewww. I don't remember anything after that; they apparently gave me some 'calming' medicine.

I remember Friday being all about mor.phine and sleep... one hour at a time because they kept waking me to take my vitals.

Mor.phine was still my friend on Saturday, until they replaced it with its cousin per.co.cet. Turning over was hard, and I considered it a great feat when I went to pee for the first time, and I took a walk down the hall.

I went home Sun afternoon and haven't really needed much pain meds, luckily & gratefully. I've taken per.co.cet before going to bed to make sure I get a restful sleep but I haven't even needed much ad.vil during the day. Yay!

Thanks for all your support, thoughts, prayers and checking in on me!

Here's to positive feelings, a journey forward on this road to recovery!

ps - I also pooped today for the first time, which I'm happy about because it's supposedly a big deal :)

Recognition & Friday Freak-Out

I can't believe it! Stirrup Queens recognized me on her (300th/200th) Friday Blog Round-Up with my post on liking kids! It was almost surreal to see my blog name listed there!

I was surprised... mostly because I felt funny posting it, because it's taken me an awfully long time to even remotely feel this way. And, as I probably figured, not many people commented from the Round-up. I wouldn't have thought so, even though I was secretly hoping for a few new readers.

It's a touchy subject and most/many of us are just not there, hardly at all. One of the things we struggle with a lot is feeling happy around other people's children.

This weekend ended my 2 weekend time with kids - we had my 6 year old nephew almost the whole weekend, taking him to see Ma.ry Pop.pins at the theater and then the next day to the park & zoo. We had tons of fun with him... and we were also completely & utterly exhausted when he left. And he's a good kid.  It made me wonder what we'd be getting ourselves into when we finally do get on with our family building!

************
I'm also starting to freak out about the fibroid surgery this Friday. In looking through my paperwork last night, I didn't realize that I needed to be on a liquid diet on Thursday - and take laxatives starting at 4pm - every 15 mins for 2 hours. Gross!!!!!!!!

I'm so not looking forward to this AT ALL.

Ok, now I know I have to stop being such a baby about it and I know the end result will be fine but this all stinks!

Do you have any magical advice on getting me mentally prepared for this? Any post-op must do's/do not's?? I could really use them!

Surgery's Scheduled & Feelin' Good

Yes - I am feelin' good! At first I was feelin' scared but once I committed to the date for my fibroid-the-size-of-an-orange surgery, I started feeling like everything was going to be better!

Friday, August 13

When the surgeon coordinator asked if I was superstitious, I said no, so she scheduled me for Friday, the 13th!

It seems like it will work out ideally to minimize time away from work too, with major recovery over the weekend and hopefully working some from home that next week. Then hopefully one week in the office and then our week of vacation, where I will continue to recover.

So, that's the plan, Stan! And I am feeling like this is the right next step. I'm feeling postive about things, whereas I hadn't in awhile. Maybe sometimes just having a plan helps. I sure hope this will help us!

The Size of an Orange, You Say?

Whoa! That's how large my fibroid is! I can hardly believe it. An orange??? In there? And I never knew it?

Yeah, let's get that sucker out of there! Make room for a baby, please. Make my uterus hospitable finally! (They've called this fibroid making my uterus inhospitable!).

Next step is scheduling surgery, which will mean 1-2 days in the hospital, 3-4 days recovery and probably a week working from home. A month total till back to normal.

And because they have to get into the muscle too much, if I do get pregnant later, I'd have to have a c-section.

Oh well... all this doesn't sound fun, but if it gets us to where we want to be then, so be it!