After our 3rd IUI in April/May in which I got pregnant for the 2nd time - and miscarried at 5 1/2 weeks for the 2nd time, I needed time.
I couldn't hear about every cute thing these kids did. I didn't want to see families at church or hear about how the nursery needs to grow. I couldn't be near parks. Baseball games with kids even made me sad.
It helped that my mom noticed and limited talk about our nephews. It helped to retreat and do my yo.ga. It helped to go on a trip with my best friend - without her kid. It helped to heal.
And I think I'm back. I've been excited to see my nephews again in the last couple of weeks. I quickly saw them Wed night, I'll be seeing them today to go to the pool and again next weekend to see Ma.ry Pop.pins.
If you haven't read Lily's book Infertile Inspiration at The Infertile Mind, please do. I've gone back and read it several times now. The statement on page 8 (if you download the book into pdf format) says:
You can impact a child's life at anytime.
That really resonates with me. I have great children in my life. I remember the adults in my childhood who made an impact. I want to be that person in children's lives who can make an impact. I'm ready to do that again.
Last night, I kept my best friend's toddler over at our place and I can't wait for him to wake up this morning. He is so cute and so much fun! We took him to the park last night, we'll take him again this morning. He makes lion noises when I ask him what his favorite animal is... (I think he really just likes the noise, not necessarily the animal!)
So, hopefully I'm back. Back to liking kids. Back to hearing what cute things they do. Back to taking them to the park or pool. Back to being the adult who can make an impact in another child's life, simply by being with them.
I don't know that I'll ever be happy with being around babies and toddlers but I'm enjoying having my 9 yr old step daughter around... and I think about how I ca positively impact her life... I want to be the best mom/stepmom that I can be....glad you're doing really good!
ReplyDeleteIt's good to witness you enjoying kids again. I'm happy for you !
ReplyDeleteI'm happy for you! I also know how you feel too!
ReplyDeleteI would purposely go to wal.mart to buy groceries in the middle of the night to avoid families. It was bad enough having to pass by all the baby/kid things (especially the cereal isle...where I would beg for fruity pebbles with the cool prize when I was a kid). Even though I have a 3 yo little boy (via adoption) there are still times when a preggo woman makes me a little sad. I miss(and sometimes grieve) the fact that I will never feel life growing inside me.
I don't think anyone could blame you for the way you were feeling! It's so tough to be around a bunch of cute kids when we're having trouble with our issues. You're so very entitled to that feeling... but with that said, I'm also glad you've emerged from it. You're a strong woman! Thanks for the link to the book - I'll check it out!
ReplyDeleteIt is so hard. I go back and forth, and I have a harder time with Pg women than children, but they make me get wistful. Toddlers kill me. Sigh. I am glad you are feeling back on track!
ReplyDeleteOh, I know that "back to liking kids" feeling, esp with nieces and nephews. It's so hard. It's nice when I see them as the people they are and can enjoy time with them...not just as "kids" I can't have...yet.
ReplyDeleteHere from Mel's Roundup, saying thank you for sharing.
So true, I think we all need breaks every now and then, and it is sometimes hard to talk about, especially with family and friends with small children and babies. I'm glad you found a way 'back', and that I found your blog!
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