Sunday, November 13, 2011

Feeling Peaceful

I had no idea it would be 2 months before I could write again. I've been trying to keep up with reading blogs but I knew my Sept & Oct would be crazy and didn't realize that it would seep into Nov too.

Here's an update on me and why I'm feeling so much more peaceful:
  • We booked a trip to Vietnam for the last 2 weeks of Dec!!!!  I've been wanting to go to Vietnam ever since I went to Thailand about 6 years ago and heard how amazing it was in Vietnam.
    • I love adventurous travel and felt like we'd been putting it off to start our family.
    • Now that we're about to embark on IVF, I felt like I needed something to give me energy before I pour out energy into something else. So, I am VERY excited! Any travel advice?
    • I am excited to not be around families for this holiday. I know that sounds selfish and makes me feel like that movie The Fo.ur but our families have not been able to give me the energy that I really need and I have taken it upon myself to give myself what I need right now.
  • We have a plan - IVF first 1/2 of next year and if that doesn't work, move onto adoption.
    • My husband really wants us to give IVF a try. Biology is really important to him. On the other hand, I'm not hopeful it's going to work. We've been able to get pregnant, I'm just not convinced it will keep us pregnant. But I'm willing to give this a shot (ha, ha) but also want to look forward to our next steps.
    • It's important for me to have that next plan in place (especially since I'm not hopeful on IVF) so that the IVF will be as little of an emotional roller-coaster on me.
    • I feel good knowing that at some point next year, we'll be taking really active steps toward building our family.
  • Work craziness is almost over.
    • I took us through an office move on Oct 1 which was pretty grueling.
    • I've had to replace someone on my team during this time.
    • My new person starts tomorrow (super yay!).
    • I can see the light at the end of the tunnel after spending every free waking moment with either working or work on the brain.
  • Feeling at peace with it all.
    • I've been through a lot of therapy, I booked the trip to Vietnam, I attended a 4 week infertility-medidation workshop, I've stuck to Wei.ght. Wat.chers and I've made sure to make time for my beloved bik.ram exercise.
    • I FINALLY feel really good about my life again. Our marriage is great. I'm doing well at work. I'm grateful for all the good things in my life and in general, not jealous of others (their children - we welcomed our niece into our world during this time). That's huge. I've been wanting to get to this point FOREVER and I'm finally here.
    • I really feel like I can say that I'm not in control of our family building fate. I'll try to do my part but I'm also open to possibilities, including being childless. It doesn't make me sad anymore. Life has so much to offer and I can give back in so many ways. This really is huge for me. I never thought I'd get here. And here I am. And it feels completely overwhelmingly amazing.
Thanks for your support!