I'm not proud of being jealous, but I am. I have a hard time (still) dealing with others' pregnancies and everything-baby related. Especially when there is little attention on me and my problems.
I'm hurting - not as badly as before but I'm still hurting. And I need consolation. I need attention. I need empathy.
Infertility and miscarriages, though, create an isolated reaction from others. It's hard for people to know what to do, so they do nothing. Which makes me feel alone and ignored. And I'm sick of telling people that I need support.
With our last miscarriage, my sister-in-law who is pregnant, told my brother-in-law who told my husband that if I wanted to talk, I should call her.
In the meantime, I've had to hide her fb postings because I can't watch her weekly "belly watch" photos and nursery pics and new car for the baby.
My niece is coming early Oct and I'll need to figure out a way to deal with it.
It's fascinating to me, that as long as people acknowledge my pain, I can be happy for whatever is happy with them - mostly dealing with baby stuff. But when no one acknowledges my pain, I don't feel like putting energy into their happiness.
You always think that people are going to be there for you when you go through a hard time. Well, it's been an interesting experience that people seem to disappear when you most need them. Or ignore you and only deal with all the happy stuff.
In other news, I have a consultation with another RE after Labor Day and this Friday we're heading to the beach for 10 days of relaxation!
I'm sorry I haven't been as active as a blogger and commenter as before but I'm still out here, trying to figure out how to not feel alone from people who claim to care and how to not be jealous. Hopefully vacation and a new doc may help!
1 month ago