About Me

Here's a little more about me... and the snippet of my unexplained IF slice of life:

Married Oct 28, 2006 to B., wonderful, patient B. - me-31, him-32

the beginnings:
Jan 2008 - back from a big trip abroad (India; I'm half Indian) as our last hooray before ttc
March 2008 - wondering what the heck is going on
June 2008 - first big cry in a hotel room before going to a friend's wedding upon discovering my period once again
Sept 2008 - see OBGYN, told me to begin charting, could only see a specialist after 1 year of ttc
Oct & Nov 2008 - charting & nothing still

2008 = spent all year not making plans because 'what if we get pregnant??' (Little did I know...)

job choices in between:
Jan 2008 - want to look for a new job but wonder if I should - what if I get pregnant??
March 2008 - take new job - thank goodness!

2009
active steps: (as though sex isn't!)
March 2009 - finally see a specialist - confused out the wazoo - didn't understand all the steps involved; decided too confusing, let's keep trying
May 2009 - ok, still not working, let's get all these tests done
July 2009 - thought we could start our first IUI but missing bloodwork - want to scream - have big, big cry in the car on way back from another wedding because taking vacation in Aug and won't be able to try again till Sept
Aug 2009 - diagnosed as 'unexplained infertility'

IUIs:
Sept 2009 - first IUI; failed
Oct 2009 - second IUI, 2ww over = pregnancy, 1 week later = no pregnancy
Nov 2009 - day before Thanksgiving - dissolve pregnancy assumed to be ectopic, used methotrexate
Dec 2009 - completely retreat; utter sadness; don't know what to do

2009 = only make plans 3 months in advance because surely it's got to happen this year (planned a 1/2 marathon in May & completed. YEA!)

2010
Jan 2010 - resolve to not be obsessed
Feb 2010 - only somewhat worked
April 2010 - decided to try for IUI #3
May 2010 - pregnant & miscarried at 5 1/2 weeks
Aug 2010: fibroid surgery
Nov 2010: natural pregnancy, miscarriage at 5 1/2 weeks (two Thanksgivings in a row of miscarriages)

2011: took a 6 month break, traveled to India for work, resolved to be happy living life not trying and considering living childfree
June 2011: naturally pregnant; miscarried at 5 1/2 weeks, suspected ectopic pregnancy, treated with methotrexate
Aug-Dec 2011: seriously contemplate IVF; started seeking therapy with inferility therapist (I highly recommend her to anyone living in the DC area: De.bra Wal.ther)
Dec 2011-Jan 2012: took a trip to Vietnam & Cambodia as my "gearing up for IVF"; took a video of Halong Bay, where I had wanted to go for 10 years, which would be the video I watched everytime I did an IVF shot

2012: the year of IVF... and depression
Continue seeing therapist, consider anti-depressants or quitting job but do neither (don't want to take drugs if pregnant and don't want to quit job in case it leads to further depression)
Jan 2012: IVF #1/Transfer #1 - transferred 1 embryo; had 2 to freeze
Feb 2012: pregnant; confirmed ectopic at 5 1/2 weeks, used methotrexate; went to ER with severe abdominal pain and had to have emergency surgery to remove left fallopian tube with pregnancy
March/April 2012: recovery from surgery
May 2012: FET #1/Transfer #2 - transferred 1 embryo; negative result
June/July 2012: FET #2/Transfer #3 - transferred 1 embryo; negative result
August 2012: IVF #2/Transfer #4 - acupuncture & meditation; transferred 1 embryo; negative result; had taken extra drugs and had 6 embryos to freeze
Sept 2012: begin couples counseling with infertility therapist (best decision; things got so much better)
Oct 2012/Nov 2012: FET #3/Transfer #5 - transferred 2 embryos; negative result
Dec 2012: genetic testing on remaining 4 embryos; met with 1 adoption agency; consider quitting job and take time off because this has been a huge emotional load to carry along with high stress/expectation job

2013:  FETs with remaining embryos deemed to be normal with genetic testing; more IVF; second opinion with R.M.A. in NJ. Started new job in March which was really good. Started zo.loft in Nov which was also very good. Continued couples therapy all year which was also good.
Jan - Marriage not in a good place, begin weekly couples therapy through March.
Feb - Traveled to Honduras, AZ & CA in between jobs; FET #4/Transfer #6 resulting in positive pregnancy test. Miscarriage at 5 1/2 weeks.
June - 1 IVF #3 with genetic testing; fresh transfer #7 with 2 embryos. Negative test.
Oct - Egg retrieval #4 with 1 genetically tested normal embryo. Decided not to transfer. Doing another IVF to get more embryos.
Nov - 1 cancelled IVF (after 4 days of meds) because we had 1 leading follicle
Nov - started taking zo.loft - did a world of good
Dec - Traveled to Galapagos Islands during Christmas & New Year's

2014:  So far, one more IVF with 2 genetically normal embryos. Doesn't work, well it does, then doesn't. Getting second opinion with R.M.A. in NJ. Also considering donor egg, adoption or childfree life.
Feb - retrieval #5 - 22 eggs, 17 mature, 15 fertilized via ICSI, 8 got to Day 5, only 1 PGD viable embryo; extremely disappointed with results.
April - transfer #8 - transferred 2 PGD tested viable embryos. Pregnant for 2 days then treated with methotrexate for suspected ectopic. Took approx 6 weeks for hcg to drop to 0.
May - seeking 2nd opinion, considering other options.
Summer - took time off from tcc, had a fun summer including travel to Banff National Park, Canada!
Sept - did immunology testing with 3rd opinion - turns out I have natural killer cells - we FINALLY have a diagnosis!
Oct - retrieval #6 at 2nd opinion place in NJ that has good genetic testing. Got 2 viable embryos frozen.
Nov & Dec - got treated for immunology issues - with a leukocyte infusion therapy that cannot be done in the U.S. Went to Mark.ham Fertility Centre outside Toronto. And preparing for transfer #9.

2015:
Feb - transferred 2 viable embryos. Pregnant for 2 days. Very low beta, knew it wasn't going to be viable. Game over.
Spring & Summer - went to a lot of counseling. Grieved the loss of building our family through pregnancy. Didn't really know what would be the right next thing. It was looking like surrogacy or adoption but we weren't sure that surrogacy would work and wasn't sure it was worth the effort and cost. Started down the path of adoption, met with an adoption lawyer and at the end of the first session, we said the only thing that is slightly holding us back is surrogacy and she said "I do surrogacy law also!" So... once she laid out both options to us AND I met my support group friend's baby through surrogacy, that felt like the right thing for us.
Oct - Dec - did 2 egg retrievals and created embryos. Both cycles yielded 3 genetically viable embryos. Our best cycles EVER! And got off of zo.loft, almost 2 years to the date. Feeling hopeful again...
Nov & Dec - interviewed 2 surrogacy agencies and decided to go with Fam.ily Forward Surro.gacy and signed on!

2016:
Jan-Feb - agency looking for a match for us
March - matched with a couple in Colorado. Met them on Skype.
April - flew the couple out for medical testing at our clinic and spent a weekend with them. Very weird vibes from the husband (who is usually just quietly supportive of the process). This one seemed overly eager and some stories weren't matching up. The agency had an MMPI (psych eval) done on him and showed him to "use manipulation for personal gain". Agency recommended we not move forward. We felt relieved but also sad. We really connected with the woman and were hopeful to start on this.
May-June - Difficult times for me and worried about depression again. Went back to therapy. Didn't feel hopeful despite agency working on a new match and two (TWO!!) people in our lives coming forward saying they wanted to do this for us. Amazing.
June - One of my brother's best friends, L, stayed committed to wanting to be our surrogate which is remarkable because we actually don't know each other all that well. But she felt compelled saying "you get few chances in life to make a big difference and this is one of those...". Such a big heart. Amazing. When our doctor reviewed her medical records and said she was a go, I got down on my knees, cried like a baby for joy for awhile and finally prayed big thank you prayers. This felt like a miracle.
July - L's psychological screening went well and we've spent a couple of times now with her and her husband and child.
Aug - medical screening and joint counseling day on Aug 10 which we expect to go well. Next steps will be a mock cycle and then contracts! We're hoping to be able to do a transfer sometime this fall.
Sept - legal paperwork took about 3 weeks. Yay!
Oct - got ready for a transfer to L. Oct 24 transferred 1 embryo. One week later she sent me a positive pregnancy home test! A week after that, bloodwork pregnancy test was around 1200 on 14dpt (on 5 day embryo), 2 days later the number was in the 3000s. Yay!
Nov - 1st heartbeat we've EVER seen. Over the moon.
Dec - 1st heartbeat I've ever heard. It was beautiful. NIPT results were all clear. Such relief!!!

2017
ETA: July 12