Here's our little one at 20 weeks:
Everying has been going so well and we're on track for a July 12 due data, gender a surprise.
In fact, the only hiccup has been that with surrogacy, you have to get a pre-birth order (PBO) in at around 24 weeks, viability. A PBO is a legal document that states that we are the parents of the baby and that when that baby is born we have rights to make medical decisions. They want that in place in case of pre-term delivery.
Well, we were told last week by our lawyer that Maryland requires you to put the name of the child in this document, which was not a big deal - we've had our names chosen since we got engaged 10 years ago! They are family names and very special to us.
So I put both girl and boy name in this document but the lawyer came back and said it had to be one name which meant we had to find out the gender.
I was so upset. In fact, it surprised me how upset I got. I cried a lot when I got home Thurs night and couldn't stop crying till 11pm or so. I thought maybe I was PMS'ing which was adding to all of this.
But when I really thought about it - this was the ONE thing I've had control over, wanting to be surprised in the delivery room. I've always wanted that, long before we had fertility issues, long before I was even married or thinking of having children.
So not only have I always wanted this but this was also the one thing I've had control over and it was about to get taken away from me.
And the past 9 years of infertility struggles was wrapped up in this whole thing. That I haven't been able to have children the way I want and one more thing was getting controlled for me.
Luckily my best friend kept pushing me that night to talk to the lawyer about coming up with a creative way around this, like maybe she could find out the gender and put a post-it note on that part of the document that we had to sign...
I wasn't hopeful but I did call the lawyer the next morning and she was more than happy to get creative with us. She hadn't realized how important this was to us and said she's never done it other than this way but sure, she could help.
She was even willing to get the legal document done for us, have it sent to her house and then bring it herself to the hospital on the day of the birth! I said I really appreciate that but that was a bit too much above and beyond.
She then said she could send the document to me as along as I had self-restraint on not opening it AND if I remembered to bring it to the hospital at birth.
I said, first of all, I've had access to the gender this whole time in our genetic testing report and never have opened that link. And secondly, I'm very organized and have been waiting for this baby for 9 years and will have that document packed in my bag ready for that day.
So the lawyer is going to get the gender from the OB's office, leave that section blank on our documents, hand-write the name in after we've signed the documents, then send it to me in a sealed envelope.
I'm so happy and relieved that there was a way around this for us.
And we've also been having fun getting a bunch of second hand stuff from our friends and from craigslist. We have a glider, a bassinet in our house already. I'm getting the crib, stroller and car seat from a friend today. Only big thing left is the dresser.
And my best friend is keeping a "baby registry" for us on a google sheet that lists the things we might need and who is donating it to us.
I guess the plus side of having a baby at 42 is that all your friends are looking to get rid of their things!
I'm so excited. Come on July 12!