Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Consult with RE/Next Steps/Summer Plans

We got a phone consult with our RE last week, two weeks after the negative result.

I was initially annoyed that he was unavailable that first week and then took so long to call the second week, but in retrospect, I think it's better to have a little time in between to not be so highly emotional.

It was pretty interesting. He basically told us he'd give this one more try and then if that didn't work, we'd need to consider going to R.M.A. or Cor.nell. Whoa. Not sure if he said R.M.A. because he knew we were already talking with them or because they really are that good... but hearing Cor.nell really got me. That's really big guns. That means there's serious stuff going on with us that he can't resolve.

And he's stumped. And showed empathy for us which I appreciated. I keep thinking that sometimes there really aren't answers to this. Most of the time there are, but sometimes there really aren't. And we're in that camp now.

The one thing he said was that there's debate on whether progesterone levels should be under 2.0 or 1.5 at retrieval time to go into a transfer. My level was 1.8. He said he'd go extremely conservatively next round and freeze embryos if I'm over 1.5...

The thing is, I think I'm ready to leave him. If we go through one more IVF with him (with PGD genetic testing) and we have to possibly freeze, which I'd be ok with, we're looking at another 3-4 months for a cycle to possibly work. That would take us through the end of the year, essentially.

And I've got very little stamina left with all of this.

When we met with R.M.A. in May, they told us that we should get pregnant with them within 2-3 cycles. We're going to consult with them again and see what their reaction is to this last failed cycle. Does that count as 1 of those 2-3 in their minds? I would guess not.

They have genetic testing right there in their labs and I just think they do things that are probably a little bit of a leg up on what my RE does. And at this point in our journey, I need all the little legs up possible.

But... that would mean a more expensive journey. It would mean being out of state for a bit during cycles (luckily within driving distance but still...).

So a lot to consider coming up for us but I think deep down, I think we need to go with the big guns at this point.

And I say that fully recognizing that we are so fortunate to be able to make that choice. It will be financially difficult for us but not impossible and for that, I feel truly blessed and grateful.

I'm also using this time in between to be productive and happy. We've got lots of fun stuff planned for this summer that includes:

  • Training for a 1/2 marathon over Labor Day weekend! 
  • Last weekend was my 20th high school reunion which was SO much fun! 
  • This weekend I'm going to a church retreat that I'm looking forward to
  • Weekend after that is a long weekend at a nearby beach with my husband
  • Then a week-long beach trip to SC that we do every year with friends at a beach house which is both tons of fun and super relaxing. (Though good luck to me this year when I'll have to likely wake up at 5am to get my 10 mile runs in before sunrise!!)
  • Labor Day weekend 1/2 marathon 
  • Following weekend a wedding in Santa Fe, NM
I'm also grateful for feeling more positive in general. So, here's to the rest of a fun summer and onto figuring out next steps, and being happy in between it all!

Monday, July 8, 2013

Will It Ever Be My Turn?

I'm not pregnant. Today's results were negative from our 7th transfer & 3rd fresh IVF.

I don't know that I had that much hope, but still. This sucks. And I guess I've known since last Tuesday. That's when I noticed blood. I was at work and had to go outside and cry. I spotted for 3 days and I was secretly hoping it was that implantation blood people sometimes talk about, but I knew it probably wasn't. And then I started bleeding heavily on Friday and it hasn't stopped.

Don't know what happened. Our doctor said we had a 60% chance this time and he was excited for us. I forgot to think about that 40%. Sometimes his over-optimism gets me.

I don't know if this is just another fluke and just part of that 40%. I'd like to know if it's my egg quality, if the genetic testing we did on our embryos didn't test for enough, if there's something else that could be going on.

It was so discouraging to get our credit card bill last week too. We'll owe about $9k for this, with the drugs and extra costs for the genetic testing (otherwise we're on a shared risk program...). But all that down the tubes.

Oh well.

I'm bummed, but I'm not shocked by this anymore. Seven transfers.

Our doctor is apparently out of the country this week so we won't get to talk to him until next week. We have travel in August and early Sept so the soonest we could try again is in Sept. We're considering moving up to a clinic in NJ.

I need to focus on me again. I went to bik.ram yoga tonight. I'm tempted to sign up for a 1/2 marathon over Labor Day weekend that I've been wanting to do for years...

I'm bummed but ready to focus on me for the next 2 months...