Monday, July 8, 2013

Will It Ever Be My Turn?

I'm not pregnant. Today's results were negative from our 7th transfer & 3rd fresh IVF.

I don't know that I had that much hope, but still. This sucks. And I guess I've known since last Tuesday. That's when I noticed blood. I was at work and had to go outside and cry. I spotted for 3 days and I was secretly hoping it was that implantation blood people sometimes talk about, but I knew it probably wasn't. And then I started bleeding heavily on Friday and it hasn't stopped.

Don't know what happened. Our doctor said we had a 60% chance this time and he was excited for us. I forgot to think about that 40%. Sometimes his over-optimism gets me.

I don't know if this is just another fluke and just part of that 40%. I'd like to know if it's my egg quality, if the genetic testing we did on our embryos didn't test for enough, if there's something else that could be going on.

It was so discouraging to get our credit card bill last week too. We'll owe about $9k for this, with the drugs and extra costs for the genetic testing (otherwise we're on a shared risk program...). But all that down the tubes.

Oh well.

I'm bummed, but I'm not shocked by this anymore. Seven transfers.

Our doctor is apparently out of the country this week so we won't get to talk to him until next week. We have travel in August and early Sept so the soonest we could try again is in Sept. We're considering moving up to a clinic in NJ.

I need to focus on me again. I went to bik.ram yoga tonight. I'm tempted to sign up for a 1/2 marathon over Labor Day weekend that I've been wanting to do for years...

I'm bummed but ready to focus on me for the next 2 months...


  1. Oh no. I am so, so sorry. Take time, focus on yourself. A new clinic sounds like a good idea. Personally, once we made the switch we had much better results. If you do head to NJ, let us know. I have a good friend who has worked at a clinic forever. I could ask her to treat you with some extra special love.

  2. So very sorry. Definitely good to focus on positive things for yourself right now and trying another clinic doesn't sound like the worst idea either. Sending thoughts your way and hope that you find strength and love in the moments you need it most. Wish I could give you a hug and be a listening ear for you right now, it's so impossibly hard coping with negative results after putting so much into infertility treatments.

  3. I am so so sorry. It just gets so exhausting emotionally. Thinking of you.... Good for you putting you first.

  4. I am so so sorry. Thinking of you.

  5. I am so sorry. Thinking of you and hoping you can be comforted during this difficult time.

  6. Hi, I stumbled upon your blog and I am so sorry. I totally sympathize. I have had my 2nd miscarriage just last week and I really do not know where to start as well. I also ask the same question.. when will it ever be my turn. I know I am a stranger but I really feel bad that there are so many wanting-to-be-moms out there but are not blessed yet. Hope you will be comforted. xx