Our last cycle in November was negative.
I mostly expected it but what really helped was having B with me when we got the results. Actually, having him take the afternoon off and wait for the call with me and then was with me on speakerphone as I have often heard the words from our nurse, "I'm so sorry but I'm not calling with good news...".
We've had a total of 5 transfers with 6 embryos (all but the last were single transfers).
Our doctor has recommended we move forward with doing genetic testing. We're in process of that right now. I'm eager to know whether any of our 4 remaining embryos are normal. If so, we'll start an FET.
Odd thing is is that I haven't gotten my period since Nov 7. I spotted, for like a minute, around when my period was supposed to come but now we're on 7 weeks with no period - and I'm NOT pregnant. I did bloodwork around the time I was supposed to start another cycle and though I had a glimmer of hope, I would be, who am I kidding...
We went to an orientation session with an adoption agency in the area and had mixed emotions on that. It's definitely something I'm sure I will be grateful for but I'm not sure I'm done grieving not having biological children and adoption is not a replacement for that, I'm learning. It's another path to having a family. There is so much involved with considering family ties to the birth families that I'm not emotionally ready to deal with... one day, but not now. (I think because B is finally on board with considering adoption, it's finally allowing me the space to grieve that our biology may not ever happen...)
So, here we are - a new year closely upon us. Me reflecting on 5 years of my inferitility woes, which, in my opinion, is 5 years too many.
I'm doing some soul-searching this week and next on whether to finally quit my job and take 3-6 months off from my career as we figure this out. My job is a growing role in a fast-pace environment and I haven't been able to keep up for the last two years and infertility and fertility treatments have taken its emotional tolls on me. I'm also interviewing at a couple of places and seeing if a new job would be best for me.
All I know is that we need to figure this out. I think the first part of next year will be about medical options and the second part will hopefully be settling on an adoption agency and taking those steps.
If I don't write again before 2013, happy new year and thank you for being on this heart-wrenching journey with me. Love and hugs to you all!
7 years ago
