Can it be 2 full weeks into the new year and I'm still feeling peaceful? Have I achieved that state I've been longing for? Will it last?? I sure hope so!
It's taken a lot of work & reflection... and the book Sweet Grapes: How to Stop Being Infertile and Start Living Again has really helped. It's mostly about moving to a childfree state and while I'm not sure I'm there, I am sure that I want to be happy with what I do have and with our current situation, which does not include children.
Truthfully, I just don't want to put our lives on hold anymore. I want to live life without thinking 'well, what if we get pregnant'. That hasn't worked and doesn't bring me peace.
I never thought I could be a person who may not want to have children. In fact, I was ready to jump into foster care a year and a half ago! But, in getting to this peaceful state, it's meant embracing the fact that we don't have children. And reading this book on how to embrace life without children has got me thinking that that may actually be a good life!
And, I visited with my best friend yesterday, who has a 2 year old and a recent newborn and I had a BLAST as the auntie and helper. No jealousy, no sadness, no pining. How incredible is that? I never thought I'd get here.
Who knows where my state in mind will be in the near future but for now, I AM happy to say that I am embracing our lives the way it is. And that is the amazing peace that I've so been wishing for, moreso than a child.
1 month ago