IVF Attempt #6? / All Kinds of Feelings Going On

I don't even know how to call my cycles anymore! But regardless, I think this is a somewhat #6 IVF (sort of) attempt coming up... and I'm hopeful again.

My situation is so complicated that I even get confused explaining it. In our IVF/retrieval #4, we had 1 genetically tested normal embryo that we decided to freeze. Attempt #5 did not work (leading follicle).

I have now been on birth control pills for almost 3 weeks and go in this Thursday for the pre-IVF bloodwork and ultrasound, and will hopefully get started on stims on Sun, Feb 2.

It's still a long haul for us. If we get to retrieval and have a decent amount of embryos, we'll do genetic testing and freeze what we have. Then will go into a frozen cycle as soon as possible, likely in April.

I'm so, so eager for this to work. There are so many variables, though, and I'm just trying to keep it all together and stay calm. I'm part of a "Crossroads" support group now who have all kinds of issues and so we're used to not getting our way!

It does sometimes seem like I'm in this never-never land and will never get out. It feels like it's been an eternal limbo land while most others have gone on to have at least their second and if not third child/pregnancies.

January hit me pretty hard. It's been 6 years of us trying to conceive. SIX years. Can you even imagine that?

It's been a long road and it will continue to be. (I so wish I could just do a normal IVF and be over with this by the end of this month!). I'm not sure why I'm being faced with this and sometimes it feels like more than I can bare.

I'm also facing the loss of my job and that feels hard as well. Just the uncertainty of it all. This is a job I took a year ago and have been loving but the company's financial outlook isn't great so I think there will be lay-offs in a couple of weeks that will likely include me.

Glad I have counseling tomorrow! :)

It's been a bit tough, I'll admit. But I've been keeping a gratitude journal and that reminds me each day that there is joy. And that helps.

I keep trying to plan what I can of things that I know I'll look forward to or will make me happy like going to a comedy show or a concert. I have a couple of those coming up in the next month.

It's all one day at a time, one breath at a time. Oh yeah, and I've been continuing my yoga too which helps my outlook and waistline! Seriously, it's a great stress relief.

Lots going on.