Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Getting Ready for Our 11th (and Last!) FET

Went in for my Day 3 check up today. Everything looks fine.

Can't believe that time is here... our last cycle.

I have to say I feel relieved. This may be the calmest I've felt for a cycle.

We're doing all we can for it. Did LIT treatment (lympho.cyte infusion therapy (or something... don't feel like looking it up!)). And we're going to use hep.arin this time around also (blood thinning medication even though I don't have blood clotting problems, there have been studies that have shown that it's helped women with repeat pregnancy loss.

And we're transferring 2 PGD tested embryos (which we've done before).

I think I went through a change about a month ago when I was freaking out about what's next. I kept feeling like I didn't want this big black hole looming afterwards if this didn't work since we couldn't agree on what was next.

I then came across a book - my best friend's mother in law gave it to me! (How thoughtful). The book is called Fly Aw.ay Again and is about a woman who was held captive for a year with her husband. Her husband was killed during their release and she was still able to thank God for all the wonderful things in her life. I kept thinking, if she can be grateful, so can I.

I think I also finally said to myself - I have no control over this. We can't agree on what's next and there's no way around that right now, so I have to be ok with it. I think I finally said, God, you take this because I have no idea anymore and I can't handle it anymore. And ever since I released it, I felt so much better.

Going for a run a few weeks ago, I remember stressing about the 'what's next' question and came back to - God, this is yours, not mine anymore. And instantly felt better. Felt that release.

I really am at peace with this all. I keep telling B that I have no idea how it'll all turn out (especially if this cycle doesn't work), but I know it'll all be ok.

We started trying to conceive in Jan 2008. Geez. 7 years ago. Hard to believe. How can it have been this long? It really feels unbelievable. A lot of grief. A lot of waiting. A lot of being on the sidelines. Especially as our friends and family moved forward with all their plans.

But I'm relieved to finally be here. At the end of all of this. No matter how it turns out.

Here's to finally feeling peaceful and coming to an end of this 7 year journey.

6 comments:

  1. Much love to you! I am sending you all the positive thoughts I can! Keep us posted!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Saying prayers and remaining hopeful for you! ♡

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thinking of you and hoping that you saved the best for last. Big hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm at 7 years too... It almost doesn't even feel real to me sometimes.

    I'm thinking of you! Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  5. When will you do your transfer? I'm doing mine late April

    ReplyDelete
  6. As a sign of gratitude for how my wife was saved from PCOS, i decided to reach out to those still suffering from this.
    My wife suffered pcos in the year 2013 and it was really tough and heartbreaking for me because she was my all and the symptoms were terrible, she always complain of heavy menstruation, and she always have difficulty falling asleep . we tried various therapies prescribed by our neurologist but none could cure her. I searched for a cure and i saw a testimony by someone who was cured and so many other with similar body problem, and they left the contact of this doctor who have the cure to pcos . I never imagined polycystic ovary syndrome. has a natural cure not until i contacted him and he assured me my wife will be fine. I got the herbal medication he recommended and my wife used it and in one months time she was fully okay even up till this moment she is so full of life. polycystic ovary syndrome. has a cure and it is a herbal cure contact the doctor Itua for more info on WhatsApp +2348149277967 / drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com on how to get the medication. Thanks admin for such an informative blog.

    ReplyDelete