Tuesday, December 24, 2019

Heartbeat for Embryo Transfer #3!!!

Oh man... so I didn't write about the last 2 weeks and how anxiety-producing they were...

Her beta was on Mon, Dec 9 and she was at 439 at 13 dpt then at 918 on Wed, Dec 11. They wanted her to re-test again on Friday since the doubling was right around 100% (which I didn't understand bc I always thought they looked for at least 60%). The nurse told me that our doctor thought 100% doubling is on the low side...

So she tested again on Fri, Dec 13 and it was 1968, still doubling but she basically told us that it's a slow rise and they are concerned about ectopic pregnancy or a smaller than expected pregnancy or "best case scenario everything is normal".

So, that was unsettling to say the least. I fully expected her to bleed by 5-5 1/2 weeks as N had and as I had, so the next week (last week) was SUPER anxiety-filled. I think I took am.bien every night and took higher dosing of my anti-anxiety meds.

I bought my flight on Tues to be there for the ultrasound on 12/23 (yesterday) which the nurse again said 'we'd see where the placement of the pregnancy was' not 'the heartbeat', so.... I was preparing for bad news.

And it didn't help that B and I didn't really get a chance to talk that whole weekend of the 13th-15th because we had a house guest (a friend that was super fun) and a wedding we went to with other people (which was also super fun).

I am glad I had a lot of good distractions... BUT we did get into a fight/two fights on that Sun when getting ready for a holiday party. Yes, we were worn out, and stressed, an emotional, and it wasn't good. Thankfully we were able to quickly recover but I still feel really bad about how much I yelled that day.

I went down to NC on Sat evening. K picked me up from the airport and it was good to get time with her in the car. I got to hug my niece and nephew before bedtime and then K and R stayed up for about an hour chatting which was also good.

R is a pastor and we stayed for 2 services on Sunday morning and his sermon was JUST what I needed to hear. It was truly beautiful and turns out he didn't even change any of it based on our convo Sat evening. How amazing is that!

I had a great time with the kids. It was nice to be with them without the whole family. The boy loves to cuddle and I just love playing with my niece's hair and her personality and I just think she's the cutest!

K and I took naps and had a lazy Sunday afternoon, then went out as a family for a fun dinner and some unexpected fun shopping.

I DID NOT sleep well AT ALL on Sun night. Our appt was Monday morning at 9am. Thank goodness it was that early and we didn't need to wait longer.

When we got called back, we told the technician that we were expecting bad news for her to not feel badly delivering it. And if it was to be good news to be gentle about it bc we didn't think we could take a big hoopla.

And holy moly if I didn't see that heartbeat right before she said it. And I already started to cry and then super uncontrollably in my hands. I really couldn't believe it. My little A was in there. (At least I'm hoping we can call it little A). Man. Man oh man. No words can explain this.

K was crying too. It took me awhile to pull myself together.

The tech said that it was a strong heartbeat - 142 beats per min. They look for over 80 and anything over 100 is good.

Yay! Maybe this little one will stick!

And you know, all that stuff about getting over that it wasn't a girl? It was amazing to me how much I kept saying, my little boy is in there. He made it! He's measuring 6w2d now. :)

Now, let's just keep our fingers and toes crossed. I want to believe in this so so badly.

(And I also know I'll be ok if it doesn't work).

But both B and I feel more confident now. We hadn't made it past this point since L and we hope that means it's a really good sign.

Best Christmas present ever!

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