Embryo Transfer #3 Positive (So Far)

Yes! We had our 3rd embryo-transfer with our sister-in-law, K, last week, on Nov 27th, which would've been B's parents' 50th wedding anniversary (his father passed away 30 years ago), so we were hoping this date would bring us some good luck.

I was really nervous. I didn't want to make too big a deal about it.

I had been to counseling lots pre-grieving the loss of this last attempt, this last embryo, so I was very weary.

And K and I had a nice ride to the clinic talking about all of that. I'm glad it's so easy for she and I to talk about it and understand and be on the same page.

But I did get her special socks (and wrote her a special card) and I got the socks to match mine which were a gift from an infertility warrior friend. Cute, huh?

We had a nice Thanksgiving together and on the day she left she said, watch this one be the one that works because I don't feel anything... ok.

By Sunday and Monday nights, I wasn't sleeping well. My anxiety was much higher than normal. And then luckily, she texted me this on Tues morning:

Whoa is right! I wasn't even expecting her to test until Wed, which is early. Tues was Day 7!!!

So I felt super joyous all morning long and texted my closest people about it!

And then by afternoon, the PTSD was back. The 'be cautious, we've been here before... will she start bleeding at 5 1/2 weeks like the other ones... let's not get too ahead of ourselves...'

But it's really a rollercoaster because then the joyous feelings come back, and then PTSD again and so on.

One evening this week, I even allowed ourselves to talk about names. And I let myself say out loud "I wonder if he'll look like D or if he'll look completely different..."

And it was kinda fun.

And I decided to let myself because really, when I thought about it, if this doesn't work, it's not like it's going to hurt more if I let myself feel the joyous parts of it. 

Counseling helped this week too. She told me I was doing a good job. And that felt good to hear because I think I am too. 

I knew this would be extra stressful with the holidays and I also knew I didn't want the stress of the holidays get to me, especially with this in the background/foreground, and I wanted to actually enjoy the fun parts about the holidays so this is what I've done/am doing:

• I got all our major Christmas gift shopping done AND wrapped by Nov 30. So much so that when my best friend, J, gave me an idea for her son on Dec 2, I said, nope, I'm done! Give that idea to someone else. ;)
• I decided which of the events really mattered to me and decided to prioritize them (my friend's open house even though it's 45 mins away and J's holiday party)
• I decided to have a good attitude about the 'musts' - family bdays squeezed in there, both office holiday parties, and a wedding (!!!)
• I decided to do no sugar/no processed foods so I don't feel gross (though at the first event of the month last night, I decided to have dessert at the end of the night; I had gotten my period that day and there were no healthy options out and I decided I could make an exception and not be that hard on myself!)
• I'm also enjoying time with D. The other night, we were behind schedule for dinner and bedtime because we decided to work on the puzzle box and had so much fun playing puzzles that I let ourselves indulge in that.
• And I'm enjoying and very energizing by the work stuff going on right now

So, I feel like I'm focusing on all the right things and controlling what I can and being gentle on the things I can't.

Beta is Monday and heartbeat would be on Mon, Dec 23! Next counseling appt is the week of Dec 16.

And now I must get ready for one of the fun holiday events today!

Keeping fingers, toes and everything else crossed.