Sunday, December 12, 2010

A Must Read Chapter

I've been a bit quiet lately. I can't tell if it's because I'm not actively going through anything 'trying' related right now. Or if I'm busy at work or busy with holiday stuff. Or maybe I'm still feeling quite peaceful and don't have the need to pour out my feelings as much.

I just read a blog entry by Dr Lisa Rouff, Infertility Therapist on Resilience is the Real Fertility. It really struck me particularly since Eliz.abeth Ed.wards' passing was significant to me this week and I felt she taught us a lot about resilience. And maybe because most of what I've craved this entire time is peace. I know my children will take awhile to get to me, however they do, so all I want in the meantime is peace. A way to better handle the challenge.

I also want to share a chapter of a book that I think is a must-read for anyone facing the 'what's next' in adoption, donor sperm/egg/embryo, surrogacy, childlessness, etc. I would NEVER have picked up this book a year ago and I wish I had. The book is called Af.ter In.fertility by Pat.ricia John.ston.

My counselor recommended it to me when I was telling her that my husband and I are stuck on not necessarily agreeing on adoption vs. continuing treatments. The book was written in the early 90s and there has been no update since but it's still extremely relevant.

The first chapter is called The Challenge of Infertility and focuses on ranking 6 areas that matter most to you and your partner so that you can begin (often difficult) conversations about what you are both willing to explore, or something along those lines.

I'd list the six areas but am afraid I'd be plagiarising... suffice it to say that it's well worth getting on ama.zon or some other place!

It made me realize that I may want to give conceiving more effort before we consider adoption. There's a lot that goes into this but that's what the chapter tells you to do - talk about putting a plan together.

My short-term plan: we leave for Turks & Caicos in 2 weeks!!! :)


  1. I agree that is an excellent book! After being so inspired by Elizabeth Edward's and the manner in which she lived her life with such grace in the face of loss I'm planning to pick up her books as well. I feel I could definitely learn a lot from her. Glad you're feeling at peace!

  2. Vacation is key! Thinking of you... plotting these middle steps is so hard...

  3. Hi, thanks so much for mentioning my blog in your post. Your blog is wonderful, and I wish you the best of luck in your process. It's a hard decision to know what path to take sometimes, but it seems like you are well on your way to figuring out what is best for you! Oh, enjoy that vacation too!

  4. Very appropriate words about the desire for peace, considering that this is the week of Peace in the Advent calendar (well, some people switch Peace and Joy, but either way...). And sounds like a terrific book!

  5. I think I'm in a similar position to you.. Needed to hear that right now.

  6. Just wanted to wish you a wonderful vacation - don't forget to build some sand castles!

    And is it okay to say that I'm proud of you? I know how hard it is to survive a miscarriage. I know how hard it is to go to a counselor and ask for help. I know how hard it is to tell your loved ones what you need to say even if they don't understand it. I know how hard it is to just not know.

    I also know, as you're seeing, there's another side to all of this. A side with peace, a side with joy and a side with unexpected moments of contentment and fulfillment. Relish in these moments - as they are often ordinary, quiet and not to be missed.

    Sending you a bear hug!