We Are Having a Healthy Baby!!!

I can hardly believe it. We're having a healthy baby!!!

The genetic test results came in yesterday and they are normal.

Big breath, sigh of relief, tears from B. It really feels unreal. Surreal.

My dreams are coming true!!!!!

I knew it was irrational for me to have to wait for this test after our embryos had been PGS tested but I've just been through too much and just needed that extra validation.

(All of that plus seeing the video of the baby at 10 weeks and having this test happen so late was causing me such anxiety as to what would happen if something were to show up in the results... I've needed lots of klono.pin and am.bien these last couple of weeks).

But we're here now and holy moly, D is going to be a big brother!!!

Seriously, after all we've been through and after all the emotional work I did in the fall thinking that the last embryo would likely not work after 4 past failed attempts, I really can't believe we are here and having a baby around August 14.

It's hard to describe but pivoting from this isn't happening for us to it is happening for us is weird, an amazing weird, but still very weird.

Like I got used to thinking not everything happens for everyone and being super ok with that, knowing that B, D and I would have an amazing life together and that that was enough.

But now the universe is telling me ALL my dreams are coming true? That we will have a second biological child? That just seems like a HUGE amount of icing on the cake...

(Though my therapist would argue all of our dreams are NOT coming true - this is NOT the way we wanted our family planning to go, I've had to mourn the loss of not having a biological girl AND I had always wanted 3 kids).

But wow - having two biological kids.... AFTER everything we've been through???? That IS amazing. It's incredible. It IS all my dreams coming true. It feels like I won the lottery, like I'm on top of a mountain, like having so much sugar stuffed in my mouth, like love exploding from my heart, like I somehow don't deserve it when not everyone's dreams come true.

It's such a complicated feeling... that I am grateful to experience.

And I'm so ready for my therapy sessions to be about pivoting to the joy now.