Grief Stuck Inside

I've got all this grief I need to get out and it feels like it's hard for it to come out. Not sure why. Might be the anti-depressants make it hard to access my extreme feelings. Might be that I'm busy with a toddler or work. Might be that I back away from it if I get too close to it.

Turns out K didn't need the D&C that day a month ago. She miscarried in the bathroom and went for 3 check-ups afterwards, and then she still needed a D&C this past Monday. So for a month it was still ongoing for her, and for me.

I had online therapy on Friday to help get it out and that definitely helped. I cried within the first two mins and then kept crying for the whole time. She asked at the end what would I be afraid of if I got too close to the grief?

I don't know. That I'd break down. But I know I need to in order to move forward.

She suggested I write a letter to D about it since I'm sad he won't have a sibling, at least this way. And that's the other hard part too, is I don't know if we're done yet. I think we are but I can't say 100%.

And she also suggested I write a letter to my baby. My baby that didn't make it.

So here it goes...