Wednesday, September 1, 2010

A Little Sadness Strikes on Vaca

I want to be positive, I really do. But sadness can creep in, even on vaca... especially on this vacation.

I'm low energy still - 3 weeks in from fibroid removal surgery. I'm sleeping a lot and am not moving the way I'm used to moving.

I can't get in the water. It's not as bad as I thought due to the low energy parts, but it's still hard to not get fully in the water.

I'm still swollen in my abdomen area, which means when I do put on a bathing suit, it can feel a little snug and uncomfortable.

And there are kids all around me. When we booked this trip earlier this year, I knew it might be hard for me. Three other couples, all with 1-2 kids each. And us: none. True, we don't have to wake up at 7am like the other adults do, but I also don't get to have a toddler run up to me and give me a big hug as he says 'mommmmy' like the other adults get. And they don't have to walk the beach alone with tears spilling down their cheeks thinking about when someone will call them 'mommy' like I do.

And I got an email from my best friend yesterday who is planning another beach vacation away next month who has suggested that because my husband isn't coming that I should room with her toddler. (Who I love). But a bittersweet thought.

Ok, piti-party over. I'm at a nice beach. Away from work. Away from responsibilities. It's relaxing and much-needed. And I'm lucky to have that all.

Just needed to unload the sad parts to move on and put a smile on my face and in my heart.


  1. Glad you were able to come here and unload. We understand. There's a hug in this little comment box for you.

    Enjoy the sun and being able to swim in the ocean and take a nap on the beach without having to keep one eye on a little one to make sure they don't run in the water.

  2. See this is what I hate about IF (among a million other things) that it sneaks up on you and spoils things that really should be fun and happy. Go away IF!! Go away!! I hope you can enjoy your time off, I guess we all have to take the good with the bad. I wish it was not this way!!

  3. It is one of the things that I hate about infertility. You never know when it's going to rear it's emotional little head. It hit me, too, this weekend as I read the book Silent Sorority (Excellent!).

    I hope while you're at the beach that you can enjoy feeling the sand between your toes and maybe build a sand castle. I hear they are great places for a little hope to live!

    Lily - The Infertile Mind

  4. A gym buddy of mine has had an operation a month ago maybe. Appendicitis and it got complicated. She just started going back to the gym and she says the same things you do (energy, moving, etc.). You body needs to recuperate. Take care.

  5. sorry to hear you are having a rough time. it can be hard being surround by kids sometimes. i hope you can enjoy your vacation a bit and I hope you start feeling better soon.

  6. I'm sorry it's rough. Maybe you can slip away and do a 'grown up' thing or two that the others can't? Just to cheer yourself up and have an eenst, tiiincy bit of revenge (that only you know about, lol). That's what I do on family vacations, and it seems to help...

  7. I'm sorry you are having those sad moments. It's understandable. I hope you can still enjoy the rest of your vacation. :)

  8. I feel your pain. I get those sad moments on vacation sometimes too. If only there was an easy way to take a vacation from those feelings!