My Infertility Woes: Having a Scare

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Having a Scare

There was blood in the toilet last night. I started freaking out.

Then I called my best friend and started reading my book. It seems like some bleeding may be ok, especially if it's a lighter pink/red (which mine was)... what worried me was the bit sitting at the bottom of the toilet. I would understand if I were 'spotting' but some blood in the toilet? That seems more than spotting to me.

AND add to my worry that I feel like I'm just not supposed to be pregnant or it's not supposed to be this easy and I start thinking that maybe this wasn't supposed to happen for us after all.

I called my doc and they got me in this morning. He couldn't tell anything yet from the ultrasound - so said that it could be nothing but that it could also be an early miscarriage. They got bloodwork and will get the results tomorrow - let's hope my number has quadrupled since Friday - that will be a really good sign.

Ugh. I hate limbo-land.

7 comments:

MaureenMay 25, 2010 at 12:40 PM
Oh sweetie, I will be thinking about you and saying a prayer that everything is ok. I hate that you have to experience that uneasy feeling.
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ShanelMay 25, 2010 at 1:13 PM
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AnonymousMay 25, 2010 at 2:17 PM
I'm sorry you are going through this. The wait, even though it's just a day, must be excruciating! I'm thinking of you, and have high hopes that you'll have an AWESOME beta tomorrow.
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ShanelMay 25, 2010 at 2:32 PM
Hope everything goes ok... praying for you girl:)
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My VegasMay 25, 2010 at 3:08 PM
saying prayers for you..
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Glass Case of EmotionMay 25, 2010 at 5:38 PM
Hope everything continues to go well for you
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JemMay 26, 2010 at 12:36 AM
Just found your blog through ICLW. I do hope that you have some good news and that you keep positive. IF really messes up our minds.

Jem
http://ambivalentwomb.blogspot.com/
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A Little About Me

This is just a snippet of me in one slice of my life - live in the DC area, 44 yrs old, been married to B. for 13 wonderful years. Had been ttc for 7 years with a total of 10 miscarriages/bio-chemical pregnancies, none making it to week 6; we have 1 child through surrogacy and was on a sibling journey with surrogacy to build our family, with one failed sibling surrogacy journey resulting in 2 early miscarriages, and another surrogate with 2 negative results and lost a pregnancy at 14.5 weeks with our last embryo. Feeling out being resolved as a family with one child.

Total summary, with surrogates:

-12 years

-11 miscarriages total between me and our surrogates

-8 negative cycles

Here's our history:

2009/2010 - 3 IUIs resulting in 2 miscarriages (1 ectopic)

2010 - fibroid surgery

2010/2011 - 2 natural pregnancies followed by miscarriage (1 ectopic)

2012 - 2 fresh IVFs (1 pregnancy followed by ectopic miscarriage and removal of left tube), 3 failed FETs

2013 - 4th FET included PGD genetic testing on embryos resulted in miscarriage at 5 1/2 weeks, 1 IVF with PGD testing resulting in negative test. 1 IVF with just 1 genetically normal embryo without a transfer (waiting for more embryos). Another cancelled IVF because of a leading follicle.

2014 - 1 egg retrieval with PGD testing resulting in 1 normal embryo; 1 transfer with 2 PGD tested embryos, pregnant for 2 days followed by miscarriage. Took methotrexate and took 6 weeks for hcg to get back to 0. Another egg retrieval/embryo creation/PGD test resulting in 2 viable embryos at new clinic out of state for our last chance. Also got treated for immu.nology factors (natural killer cells) at a clinic in Tor.onto (treatment for this is not approved in the US).

2015, part 1 - transferred 2 PGD tested embryos, used hepa.rin. Bio-chemical pregnancy. Not viable. Game over. 2015, part 2 - Explored adoption and surrogacy options. After months and months of not knowing what to do, surrogacy felt the most right. Did 2 egg retrievals to produce embryos. Genetically tested them. We have 6 in the freezer!

2016 - Found a surrogate through an agency but that didn't work out which was hard to start all over again and then L came out of the blue, my brother's friend who wanted to do this for us. We transferred 1 embryo on Oct 24 and she is pregnant!

2017 - Expecting a baby through surrogacy! D is born July 7!

2018 - 1 miscarriage at 5 weeks in Sept with surrogate #2 for sibling journey; 1 positive home test for FET #2 that ended in miscarriage at 5 1/2 weeks as well

2019 - two BFNs our sister-in-law for surrogate #3 followed by a 14.5 pregnancy loss with no embryos left to try

It's been a lot of heartache through it all the trying to conceive and build a family. It took a lot of hope and a community of supporters for me... and ultimately a different path... and we may be yet on a different path if we continue to pursue a sibling for our child.

You can read more on the About Me tab along the top of my blog. Thanks for being here with me.

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Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Having a Scare

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