Friday, November 19, 2010

And... It Wasn't Good

My bloodwork results from yesterday were only at 154 (from 107 on Tues) and it turns out my obgyn's office had specialists look at my ultrasound and they did find a 1cm mass at the entrance of my tube.

So, metho.trexate it was.

What are the odds of that happening to 1 person twice? And almost a year to the day. Incredible. We've had 3 chemical pregnancies now ending in the 5th week, only one was a natural miscarriage.

I'm sure we'll have follow up tests and such. I'm eager to try to figure out why this may be happening. It just doesn't seem like it should.

Anyway, my positivity from yesterday is still coming through. I'm largely feeling unaffected by this (maybe it's just denial...) but maybe I'm also past my big grieving period. Maybe I'm finally ready to grab life by its collar again and really live, the way I know we're supposed to, which is to say by really enjoying it.

So, I continue to be resolved & determined to try to find happiness (despite all of this). I want to be back! And I will be.

10 comments:

  1. I feel for you...I have experienced 3 m/c and it never gets easier...just take care of yourself and don't lose hope! I admire your determination...thinking of you

    ReplyDelete
  2. The key is that you are still determined... I sure hope that you are able to relax and enjoy the holidays with you family... able to look around and see it's not over... you're here and you're a strong woman... and as I always say.... just don't give up.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am so sorry! Take good care of yourself.
    ((( hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
  4. so sorry things didn't work out.
    I love your focus. You are right. You can find happiness.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am so sorry for this news. So, is this still considered to be "ectopic" (they don't need to be in the tubes to be ectopic as I am sure you know, just in the wrong place?) The odds are actually pretty high of ectopics happening more than once. But, it just sucks. I am so sorry. Please take good care of yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  6. So sorry to hear about what you're going through. *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  7. So sorry you are having to go through this...again! Glad you are still feeling positive, stay strong!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh my friend I'm so sorry I've been a bit MIA this week and you've been going through so much. So sorry that you're dealing with another loss, so incredibly unfair. Glad you're feeling positive and hoping your strength and resolve hold tight. Sending so much love and thoughts your way ((hugs))

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm so sorry to hear you are having another ectopic pg. It's great that you are still in touch with your strength and I am sure that will serve you well! Hang in there, and take good care of yourself!

    ReplyDelete