My ultrasound & sonogram showed nothing today. They couldn't find anything. They did bloodwork and I told them could they please not wait until 5pm tomorrow to call me. They said they'd try. I really wish I was back at my RE and not at this obgyn.
Anyway, they said I'd likely have to repeat an ultrasound on Monday and I'm pretty sure we'll have to do methotrextate (sp?) next week. I just hope that my levels actually start decreasing so that I don't have to do that.
The irony. Almost 1 year to the day where we went through the same thing. At Thanksgiving.
We got pregnant on our own this time but now I'm hesitant to put more money into treatments if I can't ever make it to week 6. There's one more test my new RE wanted to do. I guess we'll do that when this is all over.
I feel kinda numb but I think I also want to be resolved to handle this better. I had told my husband that this unbearable feeling lately has given me insight into why people contemplate ending their lives. Not that I'm near that point AT ALL but I could just see it. He wanted to know if he wasn't enough. And I had a hard time with that because, in a way, no - because I really can't imagine us without a family. And on the other hand, if the tables were turned, I would want to feel like I'd be enough for him to never contemplate something like that... (and please don't worry - I'm really not contemplating anything).
So after our big conversation around it, I'm even more determined to try to get back to ME and handle this better. All I need is peace and resolve. I can do this!
1 month ago