Monday, October 11, 2010

Adoption Research, Here We Come!

Adoption has been on my mind for so long now, and my husband is finally ready to have us start researching.

So... I need some help since I'm really starting from scratch.
  • Any good checklists that you can recommend on the steps needed for adoption? And does it differ if it's private vs. public? international vs. domestic?
  • Any good agencies to recommend? (We live in DC if that makes any difference)
  • Any information on adopting from India? How is that done? Any agencies that specialize in that?
We don't really know our specific thoughts on all those questions - private vs. public, int'l vs. domestic, but for various reasons, we feel pulled to India.

I'm half Indian so I think we think it would be a nice tie back to that part of my family that my husband has become very tied to as well. I think for whatever reason, it may be easier to have a child who really might not look like us so we don't get the mistaken 'oh, your child looks just like you' comments, though we've also considered the opposite of it being obvious that we've adopted and the questions that would come from that. I have no idea what to think of all of this since it's so brand-new to us.

And, my husband's not fully on-board which makes it harder... he really believes that we still have good chances on having biological children. But for whatever reason, I just feel 'done' with that option. I've poured too much energy into it and it's drained me. I know adoption isn't easy and it's full of it's own challenges, but I'm ready for something different.

I've always wanted adoption to be part of our story anyway, so I'm hoping my husband will be open enough to potentially have this option come into our lives sooner than we might have thought.

And I'd love any help I can get on getting started with looking into this process.

And on a joyful note - a HUGE congrats to jrs at Find Joy Now who brought home her son this weekend!


  1. While my husband and I are dealing with the foster care system for adoption, I have done some research into international adoption. My big suggestion for you is to find a company that has a reputation in the country you want to adopt from. Also, look really closely into their fees. Some agencies have really "low" fees, but don't include basic stuff (like a homestudy or translation services).

    Good luck and keep us updated.

  2. adoption--- already... don't give up friend... don't throw in the towel yet on having your own biological child... I think international adoption is WONDERFUL... right now its not an option for us due to finances... and we aren't really ready to make that step but I would love to adopt a child... pray about it.... pray a lot.... and once God places you and your husband in agreement you'll know whether or not it's the right thing to do right now.... just don't give up.... the odds of having your own isn't stacked against you yet.

  3. How exciting :) I would encourage you to read "Adopted for Life". I really enjoyed it and it was very encouraging. You will be (and always are) in my prayers...

  4. How terrific! We definitely hope to adopt someday, and I can't wait to start the research process, though it will be quite a few years away for us. I also really have a heart for the international adoptions. The need for good adoptive parents is huge both internationally and domestically, but really, it's much, much greater overseas. Anyone who argues against that has probably never seen an orphanage of any kind. Not that need should be the determining factor on its own.

  5. I would check out some books at the library so you can get more info on international vs. domestic adoption. From the research I had done before international is definitely more expensive than domestic adoption. Sadly in our country the color of the babies skin does dictate the cost of the adoption. Really your first step in pursuing adoption is completing a home study & you can hire a social worker through an agency or privately to start this process with you. We just finished this process so if you have questions about it feel free to e-mail me ( Then it's a matter of choosing what agencies you want to put in applications with, most agencies have a fee for filling applications with them, then once your matched there is a fee, and then once the baby is placed the final larger fee. Remember the adoption tax credit will help you out financially so you'll at least get some of that money back.
    The big thing to be careful with in international adoption is the age of the child and how they have been cared for, if they've never been show much love/attention dependent on their age they may suffer from attachment disorder, which is not by any means an easy thing to deal with and definitely something you need to know about. I had a professor in grad school that specialized in treatment of attachment disorder children and there are so major issues children with that suffer from throughout their childhood.
    It's wonderful you're looking into adoption and I hope that you find the path that is best for you & your husband. Hope this helps & can't wait to continue following your journey. So excited for you!

  6. I created this spreadsheet for international adoption - it's got basic information on each country:

    I got all info from this government website:

    Obviously, it's just an overview and things change. I also only did it based on what was prevalent to us - caucasian, married, US citizens - so not all information is on there. At some point I'd like to redo it with all info and publish it somewhere so people can easily glance through and narrow down which countries won't work for them.

  7. Hi,

    I just found your blog. I'm Indian but lived in US for the last 10 years. I feel like I've done all I could for IF treatments and am starting to research India adoptions. I found a couple of links that I would like to share. Look under "Home" of This list has a lot of traffic and while it may not be an exact fit for you, you will have a starting point at least.

    I will also email you in a bit - would like to keep in touch just so we can share data. Hope its ok with you.