Tuesday, October 12, 2010

A Plea to My Husband on Adoption

My body has failed me once again. My period showed up today and while it is/should be no surprise, this was the first month of our new "clean slate" after fibroid surgery and trying.

I monitored my cervical fluid. We had sex twice around the fertile times. And still nothing.

And, I know. Even if everything is working fine, it's not like it should happen the first month or anything...

I cannot continue to feel like my body is failing me. I cannot continue to have timed sex (though honestly, at least it 'forces' us in our busy lives to have sex 1-2 more times than we would have otherwise, which is a good thing!). I cannot continue to have 2 week waits. And I cannot continue to be disappointed by blood every month.

What I want is a baby. In my arms. Today. I want what jrs has. She's In Love and I'm in love for her! (check out her beaming new picture in that link).

I'm starting the process with research. And looking into suggestions you've given me (I've ordered Ad.opted for Li.fe on ama.zon - thanks Rachel!)

And I know we each have our long roads. I was comforted and surprised to hear of Lau.ra Bush's journey thanks to Jess. Read it. It's worth it.

Here's the conundrum I'm facing: My husband is not comfortable with adoption... 'at least not now' is what I keep telling myself. He's open to research and that's what we're doing and maybe that's ok for now.

But all I want is to forget about all these biological options that are energy-draining for me and for us to both be excited about adoption, which I feel so incredibly compelled to explore. How do I get him to share in that? What do we do?


  1. My heart hurts for you! When adoption was brought up the first time a couple of years ago, my husband gave me a "i don't think so". This time around, we had much greater "likemindedness".

    During our homestudy, our caseworker (and paperwork) talked A LOT about our feelings about adoption and took a bunch of questions out of a book called: Chosen Families: Is Adoption for You? by Kay Marshall Strom.

    I have not read this book, but here are some sample questions...
    1. Do my family and I want to make a lifelong commitment to a child? Why?
    2. Can I truly love and accept a child who was not born to me? Explain.
    3. Can I honestly talk with my child about their adoption? Will I be able to accept and honestly answer their questions about their biological parents without feeling threatened or defensive?
    4. Do I feel an adopted child would be second best?
    5. Do I feel that adopting a needy, homeless child is my moral duty? Do I see myself as a rescuer?

    I thought these were some of the more thought-provoking ones. But that book may be an interesting read for ya'll. I'll be praying!

  2. I wish I knew how to make it easier...before I became pregnant with our son we were on the road to adoption. My husband was never "excited" about it but he was pursuing it because he knew how much I wanted to be a mom. After we lost our son I wanted to jump right back on the adoption train...but, now he says no. He knows we can concieve...of course the question for me is ... can I carry a healthy pregnancy to term?

  3. Just wanted to send you a big hug! There are no easy roads on this journey. I wish clarity and comfort for your and your husband.

    Much love,
    Lily - The Infertile Mind

  4. I'm so sorry. Big hug ! Maybe your husband thinks that the biological way is still an option, not fully understanding that it's not something you wish for anymore.
    Keep communicating this to him and telling him how you feel.
    Les ├ęditions Sainte-Justine have also published a good boo on adoption :http://www.editions-chu-sainte-justine.org/livres/enfant-adopte-dans-monde-124.html