Thursday, October 7, 2010

Time for Counseling

I finally took the plunge and went to counseling. I felt like there was something different about how I've been feeling now than my previous lows and I couldn't wait around any longer to see if/when it would go away.

And it seems like I'm not the only one. We're all hurting. We're all in need of healing. We all want the same things.

I was struck by Rachel at The Pughs, who I wrote about just days ago with how much positivity she brings to me. Well, yesterday, she finally admitted that she needs time for healing. Her post is so touching. It so incredibly resonates with what I feel - and what, apparently, lots of us are feeling.

My counselor was helpful. I wanted someone who understood infertility and I found her on the Re.solve website. Luckily she had a cancellation that same day. Here's some of the things we discussed and that I'm working through:
  • Upcoming 3 year milestone of trying to conceive
  • Upcoming birth of my best friend's 2nd baby
  • Upcoming anniversary of our first miscarriage last Thanksgiving
  • Disappointments with how family members have dealt with me
  • Unresolved conflict between my husband and I on next steps and thoughts about adoption
Those last 3 points I hadn't fully realized until I started talking through it in counseling.

Our miscarriage last year was a big deal and I'm still disappointed about how everyone handled it by basically ignoring it. I'm particularly disappointed with my in-laws about this and their continued supposed ignoring with our 2nd miscarriage.

And I'm still disappointed in my mom with how she dealt with my 2nd miscarriage, essentially making it seem like it was because of something I did or didn't do. It still makes me angry to think that I had to deal with her on top of my miscarriage.

And my husband and I are conflicted on next steps. He wants biological kids so badly. He lost his dad at a young age and wants that connection. But he also doesn't want me to endure more drugs and the heightened expectations, appointments, mood swings and energy that goes into a fertility treatment.  He also has a hard time conceptualizing adoption, which is what I really want us to look at as the next step.

We finally talked about all of this in more depth this week and it has helped. I think I can open my heart up to potentially doing more treatments and he's opened himself up to researching more about adoption and understanding the true toll treatments are on me.

So... counseling is helping for now.


  1. I think it is great that you sought help in the form of counseling. I am a huge advocate of it. I went through a tough time in college and finally sought counseling through my university - it was probably one of the best decisions I have ever made. It is amazing what realizations and breakthroughs you can make when you are able to talk freely with an objective person. I'm praying for you today!

  2. Glad to hear this was helpful for you! Good for you for taking this step!

  3. So happy for you :) Last night I also had my first session in a long time. The disappointments/expectations of family is/was one of our points too. GL! Keep us posted!

  4. I'm glad you're going to counseling...I've thought about the same thing... my life is in a transition right now... my mind set is changing.... things are coming unhinged emotionally.... I feel what you feel.... I hope that God hears our prayes and can heal us of all of this pain.... love you friend.

  5. I felt so much better after I decided to go to counseling-I am hopeful it works out great for you!

  6. Good for you for going to counseling! I consider it one of the crucial parts of my journey and self-care. I keep it in my "arsenal of healing" and pull it out as needed. I just went for a refresher myself - always makes me feel better. I've also highly recommended it to others!

    Infertility is just one of the many areas in life that is just more than friends and family support can handle. You need a sacred place away from everyone to sort through your life and emotions. Plus, they are professionals! There's a reason this need exists and I'm thankful for the men and women who answer this call.