I've wanted to so badly. In January, a friend of mine posted this on face.book:
Put this as your status if you or somebody you know has suffered BABY LOSS or INFERTILITY. ♥♥♥ The majority won't put it on, because unlike cancer, baby loss/infertility is a taboo. ♥♥♥ Break the silence. ♥♥♥ In Memory of all the ~Angel~ babies gone too soon but never forgotten, and the babies who were not possible but are so loved.
I was too chicken to do something similar then. Today, as I ran into this post at Being Jamie Lynn - a new blogger I found from ICLW, I was struck again by how I should post something. It's nagging me.
Jamie's generally asking us how 'out' we are about our infertility...
How out are you? And is being out on face.book different?
It is for me, for some reason. I'm out to my close friends & family. I'm out to my church family. But I can't (yet) be 'out' on face.book.
It's a much larger group, for one. And I don't know that I'm prepared for the response. I'm not sure what the response would be, if any. I think I'm also scared of no response.
Let's face it. Infertility is still considered taboo. People don't know how to respond. So, they respond
As part of National Infertility Awareness Week, Resolve is encouraging us to post something along these lines on our social media pages:
Because 1 in 8 is someone you know. www.resolve.org/takecharge
(I might add that this is Nat'l Infertilty Awareness Week or something too.)
Can I do it? Can you? Have you? I'm curious what reactions you've had when you've outed yourself on face.book...
And I wonder if we're making this too much of a keep-it-to-ourselves type of thing. How can we expect it to not be taboo anymore if we continue to keep it all inside?
I've not outed myself because to me, FB is something too impersonal. I'm "friends" with people I haven't seen since elementary school and they get to know what's going on with my uterus? I do admire those who have the strength to "out" themselves though.
ReplyDeleteWe found that being "out" about our IF is the best option for us. We went through most of our diagnosis stage without even telling our family, although some knew we had been TTC for awhile. We felt very alone. When we started sharing w/ family and friends it really helped. Thats when I decided to be as open as I can without TMI, including on FB, mainly because we knew nothing about IF when it hit us and we knew no one who could relate or offer info/support. Now when I'm open about it (even on FB), I am amazed by how many people comment that they or someone they know have also battled IF.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I posted the above and then gave it a little more thought and realized I wasn't nearly as "out" before we actually came through our IVF cycle. Yes, its great to spread the word, but you also need to protect yourself in the wake of people's comments/responses. I think your simple Resolve link would be a nice post.
ReplyDeleteGirl I don't have anyone on my FB that I would want to know about my IF... or anything else personal. I don't post anything about myself up there... or what's going on in my life...but I guess it's great if you've got people on FB you care about and who genuinely care about you....I think the Resolve post is the best though:)
ReplyDeleteI have never posted anything directly about my fertility on FB, or m/c, because I don't care for people to know everything. But I did write something about it being Infertility Awareness week. I often have causes posted, so hey, maybe it's me and maybe it's not. It took me a while to get more comfortable with it, but now I don't care who knows. IT took me time to get to that level of comfort however.
ReplyDeleteWell...I came out awhile ago...I think my blog has helped with that. I agree with glass case emotions - I don't care who knows, for me it is better that they all know. I have had many ladies on fb ask questions, and I feel good that I can answer them and help them out in whatever way I can. My status on fb this week is about IF awareness week, very similar to the one you blogged about. A lot of people will not respond or post that on their fb though. That is ok with me, but if I can help just one person...;)
ReplyDeleteThis is such a toughy! I'm like you in that I would love to post something, but then I remember some of the comments I've received from past random status updates, and I get very hesitant. I do not want people asking intimate details on FB!
ReplyDeleteI haven't actually "outed" myself on FB for the same reasons you mention but I did post infertility facts. On Monday, I posted that it was NIAW and the statistic about 7.3 million suffering... It felt good to just spread the word that there are numerous people out here suffering and feeling lonely.
ReplyDeleteI have posted the first item in your post because a Facebook friend is infertile and she had posted it. I wanted to show support so I put it in my status as well. She is out about it and she has support from us Facebook friends.
ReplyDeleteI have 121 friends, very few of them look at my profile or comment on what I share. I don't comment on all of my friends either. The good thing about FB is that if the comment is stupid or ignorant, I delete it. My profile, my rules and if I'm pissed off or sad about something, I post it and voilà.
I offer you total support if you do it or not !
I've been out since the beginning. I've definitely gotten some hurtful comments, but like you said it comes from ignorance, not them truly trying to be mean. Sometimes I wondered if I should have kept it all hidden, but you're right - how do we expect it to not be taboo if we keep it a secret. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Besides, I've had so many of friends (mostly thanks to facebook) confide in me that they were going through it, too. I've definitely become a source of support for a lot of people because of my openness... and that to me makes all the hurtful things I had to listen to worth it.
ReplyDeleteI've posted two things on FB this week. A post linking to a note I had done about infertility a year prior; and a link to this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ&feature=player_embedded
I really, really want to be out on fb b/c I feel it is important to raise awareness & I have no problem talking about our struggles, but my husband on the other hand does not feel comfortable with me being out on fb, so out of respect for him I haven't. But I love the post you mentioned with the 1 in 8 is someone you know, I may have to post something like that just for awareness...we'll see.
ReplyDeleteThere's no way I'd out myself on FB. And in real life, I'm only out with select people. This may sound strange, but I just can't handle other peoples' hopes and excitement for me. It stresses me out, like if I don't achieve success, I'll let them all down. It's easier if they don't know. I do occasionally think about coming out in a big way when this is all over. I could see myself being a big advocate for IF awareness once my own parenthood questions are answered. I love connecting with others who are experiencing some of the same things and love the idea of helping someone cope or realize this struggle is going to end someday.
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking the same thing. I've thought about posting on FB, but like so many people have mentioned in the comments above, FB is a little impersonal and it's a group of people that don't really KNOW me that well. My close friends and family know. I don't need to announce anything on FB because I don't want to hear people's comments.
ReplyDelete