I'm having a hard time right now. It's not even that I'm having a hard time with others' babies in general, it's that I'm having a hard time wanting to spend time with the babies I know. Wanting to put in that effort.
I know that as soon as I do, I enjoy it. But it takes a lot of energy to get to being there. And I'm mad at myself for not putting in the extra effort.
I've mentioned a couple of times how The Infertile Mind has inspired me to spend more time with my nephews. Yes, she's inspired me alright... but have I done anything about it? No.
I don't want to be that person who is down. I don't want to be the person who doesn't want to get to know her best friend's baby better. I don't want my best friend to take it personally that I'm not craving to spend time with her baby. I don't want to be a bad aunt by not going out of my way more to be with my nephews.
I also know that it probably has everything to do with infertility. That, and a busy job, where all I want to do on the weekends is get my household chores done and REST.
And does work have more to do with it than I think? Why do I feel drained so much? I'm focusing on a great job that takes up more time than 40 hrs/week, I'm focusing on losing weight, I'm focusing on yoga and doing a 1/2 marathon, I'm focusing on my marriage. I'm focusing on my church. And what's left? A tiny bit of time for doing some life necessities (laundry, groceries, etc) and spending time with friends.
I have another friend who now lives 45 mins away and everytime she asks me to do something, I feel like she's taking a piece of me that I can't give right now. I LOVE this friend. Every time I see her I'm so grateful for her.
So, how did I get to be this person? And do I force myself to do these things knowing that I'll be glad I did?? I don't know what to do!!
1 month ago