My Infertility Woes: Blessings

Monday, February 1, 2010

Blessings

We are so blessed.

We have a wonderful marriage, loving families, good health, fulfilling careers, a beautiful home, etc. Is it ok to want more? Is it ok to say I want children on top of all of that?

How does life work?
Does each person have their 'cross to bear'?
Is this ours?
If we get children, do we trade that for something else?

How much worse would that something else be??

Maybe I'm asking for too much, too soon. Maybe it's not that bad. I know we'll have a family - someday, somehow. We just don't know when or how yet...

Maybe it is a blessing to know that at least we'll get there someday, somehow...

1 comment:

rebeccaFebruary 11, 2010 at 10:31 PM
I'm so glad I came across your blog! This post is another that I have definitely felt & questioned those same things in our IF struggle, also thanks for the book recommendations in your earlier post...I've read a couple of those, but not all of them & think I'll check them out!
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A Little About Me

This is just a snippet of me in one slice of my life - live in the DC area, 44 yrs old, been married to B. for 13 wonderful years. Had been ttc for 7 years with a total of 10 miscarriages/bio-chemical pregnancies, none making it to week 6; we have 1 child through surrogacy and was on a sibling journey with surrogacy to build our family, with one failed sibling surrogacy journey resulting in 2 early miscarriages, and another surrogate with 2 negative results and lost a pregnancy at 14.5 weeks with our last embryo. Feeling out being resolved as a family with one child.

Total summary, with surrogates:

-12 years

-11 miscarriages total between me and our surrogates

-8 negative cycles

Here's our history:

2009/2010 - 3 IUIs resulting in 2 miscarriages (1 ectopic)

2010 - fibroid surgery

2010/2011 - 2 natural pregnancies followed by miscarriage (1 ectopic)

2012 - 2 fresh IVFs (1 pregnancy followed by ectopic miscarriage and removal of left tube), 3 failed FETs

2013 - 4th FET included PGD genetic testing on embryos resulted in miscarriage at 5 1/2 weeks, 1 IVF with PGD testing resulting in negative test. 1 IVF with just 1 genetically normal embryo without a transfer (waiting for more embryos). Another cancelled IVF because of a leading follicle.

2014 - 1 egg retrieval with PGD testing resulting in 1 normal embryo; 1 transfer with 2 PGD tested embryos, pregnant for 2 days followed by miscarriage. Took methotrexate and took 6 weeks for hcg to get back to 0. Another egg retrieval/embryo creation/PGD test resulting in 2 viable embryos at new clinic out of state for our last chance. Also got treated for immu.nology factors (natural killer cells) at a clinic in Tor.onto (treatment for this is not approved in the US).

2015, part 1 - transferred 2 PGD tested embryos, used hepa.rin. Bio-chemical pregnancy. Not viable. Game over. 2015, part 2 - Explored adoption and surrogacy options. After months and months of not knowing what to do, surrogacy felt the most right. Did 2 egg retrievals to produce embryos. Genetically tested them. We have 6 in the freezer!

2016 - Found a surrogate through an agency but that didn't work out which was hard to start all over again and then L came out of the blue, my brother's friend who wanted to do this for us. We transferred 1 embryo on Oct 24 and she is pregnant!

2017 - Expecting a baby through surrogacy! D is born July 7!

2018 - 1 miscarriage at 5 weeks in Sept with surrogate #2 for sibling journey; 1 positive home test for FET #2 that ended in miscarriage at 5 1/2 weeks as well

2019 - two BFNs our sister-in-law for surrogate #3 followed by a 14.5 pregnancy loss with no embryos left to try

It's been a lot of heartache through it all the trying to conceive and build a family. It took a lot of hope and a community of supporters for me... and ultimately a different path... and we may be yet on a different path if we continue to pursue a sibling for our child.

You can read more on the About Me tab along the top of my blog. Thanks for being here with me.

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Monday, February 1, 2010

Blessings

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