B. and I can't agree.
What's next? When is next? When do we try again? How long of a break do I need? So, so hard. How much of a break do I take when all I really want is that baby??? Isn't it somewhat pointless to take a break then?
I know, I know. I've read from enough of you that grief takes time to process and taking time is ok.
But how much? B. was just asking me if I'd be ready to try again this spring. I told myself in Dec to take a year off. I keep seeing blurry images in my head of what our kids look like (both natural and/or adopted... just in case it has to be one or the other... or maybe both?).
He's not ready to adopt. I think I am. Though I have NO idea what all is involved with it... yet. So, we're at a cross-roads there. And I'm not ready to do the drugs, the appts, the hoping, etc. I'm not even ready to just mark my calendar and try without all this stuff.
I've made lots of plans for myself this year - get my body back in shape (7 lbs lost so far since the Thanksgiving miscarriage thanks to Weight Watchers & hot yoga), do a 1/2 marathon in May, an Olympic distance triathlon in July, a century bike ride in Oct.
Cool, huh? But where is the balance on filling my time with these awesome things, feeling like I'm not putting my life on hold AND putting what I really want on hold because I can't face the hope/hopelessness right now.
What do you guys do?
1 month ago