Saturday, February 13, 2010

Facebook (Taboo) Updates

Just read a post here from a fellow IF blogger on the Creme de la Creme list of best infertility posts. It's a post on how facebook status updates have become too much for her - they're all about friends' babies, what they're doing/not doing, pictures and sonogram pics. Just too much for someone in the pains of IF h-e-double hockey sticks.

I couldn't help but think of my dilemma with facebook: My status updates are not genuine. They're not the first thing that pops into my head - they're the second thing. The first thing is taboo. You don't post these thoughts:
  • Got my period today, so no baby for me this month
  • Yup, not pregnant again
  • I'm sick of all these fertility drugs
  • Well, that IUI didn't work
  • I'm very sad about my miscarriage
  • I feel ready to adopt but my husband doesn't (yet) - what to do??
So... facebook to me is mostly about what I'm NOT posting. And what's interesting is that I recently saw someone post this on facebook:

Put this as your status if you or somebody you know has suffered BABY LOSS or INFERTILITY. ♥♥♥ The majority won't put it on, because unlike cancer, baby loss/infertility is a taboo. ♥♥♥ Break the silence. ♥♥♥ In Memory of all the ~Angel~ babies gone too soon but never forgotten, and the babies who were not possible but are so loved.

So nice. But I couldn't do it. Why? Because it's taboo. That's my problem with facebook updates... and life updates in general, some stuff is still taboo


  1. So true!! Since starting this blog I've actually not been on fb nearly as much, mainly for that same reason. This is the place that I can talk freely about my feelings & what is happening in my life, fb is not. I rarely put status updates anymore. I love that you actually saw someone who posted that baby loss infertility awareness post...I sadly have never seen it before. I'm so tempted to post it, but also feel like it would be taboo & letting so many people who don't know that part of my life in on that pain, I'm not sure if I want that?

  2. Thank you for reading and commenting on my post. The ectopic pregnancy was awful; i felt like the torture would never end. I agree about FB. I guess you have blogging to post what you really feel. I don't have many "friends" that post about pregnancy, etc. But I would not want to see that every time I went on there. If you ever want to talk, please email me.

  3. I'm in the same boat, sadly. There really is no etiquette in terms of the "Hey, I'm miscarrying right now" FB update, is there?

    I also saw the baby loss status update and chose not to post it on my page. I swing back and forth between wanting to talk to anyone and everyone about what we're going through and then wanting NO ONE to know so I don't have to answer any questions whatsoever. It's a bit like having multiple personalities and never knowing who's going to pop up, you know?

    At any rate, I try and look at FB like junk food and my blog like solid, nutritious stuff. I indulge in FB here and there and don't pay much attention to the fluff. I come to my blog to be honest.

    Still hoping and praying for peace for the both of us.

  4. I found your blog through ICLW (a bit early).

    I love your humor about FB and I agree with you. I can't tell you how many ppl I've hidden. I also couldn't bring myself to copy and paste that.

    I'm looking forward to following you through TTC.

  5. Thanks for stopping by. I enjoyed your post on your loss. I felt the same way when I was pregnant for a week (HSG levels didn't rise well). You tell people that it didn't work out and immediately they ask you what you're going to do next. I didn't want to do anything else. I just wanted to be sad and cry and mourn the loss of my little one.

  6. Totally agree with FB. Today I wanted to put, " If I read one more comment from a mother complaining about her kids I am going to scream!" I also want to leave comments to those complaining mothers and say "Well, at least you HAVE kids." ....but I wouldnt do that...because that would piss 2/3 of my FB friends off.