So-Not-Zen

It happened again.

I thought I was armed this time - I had thought about all my blessings and realized that I am lucky. I have (mostly) everything I could ever want...and I could be patient with the one thing missing.

And then we got an email from friends of ours who are expecting their second. And I cried. I couldn't stop crying. Really bad crying. Then, as always, I feel bad for not being happy for them.

These are friends of ours who told us they were scheduled for a fertility treatment 1 year after no success and then boom! They got pregnant. With their 1 year old now, I'm happy for them. I am. But, I'm sad for me.

And I'm miffed that she said to me as we were getting ready for our 1st fertility treatment - "oh maybe you'll get pregnant too, like we did & you won't have to do the treatment". And, of course, for every seeming stupid comment like this, I have a hard time understanding her positivity for us and instead just want to ___________(fill in not nice thought here).

Ok, so then I thought, let me go to yoga to feel more zen about this. And all through yoga, I'm so-not-zen. Coming back from yoga - so-not-zen. Want to cry again so-not-zen.

What to do??