My pastor preached a sermon last weekend on The Suffering on the Innocent. It had me thinking a lot, especially about my last entry on Blessings.
Surely, I'm not innocent. I'm nowhere near perfect and I've done my share of sinning. But I can't help but be angry about my situation. And I can't help but feel, well at least I don't have cancer or my parents are still alive or whatever else enters my mind about all of our blessings.
What makes me angrier is how upset I feel hearing about others' pregnancies. How unfair is that! Can't I just fricken be happy for these people??? What is wrong with me!!!!!
And it mostly happens in church. Again, don't know if it's just me being more vulnerable in church as I'm worshipping (makes me sound like a crazy Christian - I'm one of those ultra-liberal Christians by the way).
This past Sunday in church it happened again. Only two young couples this time with their amazingly cute babies, and I can't help but feel why not us, God?? Why do we have to keep waiting??
How do I carry my pain with grace in all of this - and especially at church - where I'm supposed to be most 'Jesus-like' and genuinely happy for others and what they have...
For those to whom I'm closest to, I KNOW that if I just hold their babies, I'll feel God's grace. There's just something about feeling like you're a part of it all that makes a difference.
So, after service, I made a bee-line toward my friend's 4 month old and just held him. And felt God's grace.
1 month ago