Monday, February 15, 2010

Conflicted to See a Friend's Newborn

So, we're traveling this weekend - 8 hours - to see a family friend's newborn. And I really don't want to go.

I'm horrible. I'm a horrible person for not wanting to go. I don't like this about myself.

Why does it have to conjure up such yucky feelings about what I don't have? And why do I have to be strong to make myself face this?

The Bean Stalks posted a timely entry for me here on facing these conflicting feelings. She decided to visit a pregnant friend of hers. And it wasn't easy. But she's glad she did. Thanks, Em!

How do I face this? What do I do???


  1. I have a few questions (if you don't mind my asking) does your DH feel? Are you two on the same page about this or is it something that doesn't bother him (as some ppl see it having nothing to do with "them"). Does your friend know about what you are going through? Are you staying with your friend or elsewhere?

    Sorry for the 20 questions! I had read Em's post and thought that she handled things absolutely wonderfully. I don't know if I would have the strength to do the same.

    Don't feel alone. You aren't alone in your feelings at all and please don't hate yourself.

  2. You are not at all a horrible person, I think all of us who have experienced the pain of IF have felt this way. It's self preservation & you're entitled!

  3. You are not a horrible person. Not at all! It is completely understandable, based on where you are and what you've been through, that you would be feeling this way. Furthermore, you feel what you feel-you are entitled to your feelings. Telling yourself you shouldn't feel this way (A) doesn't make it go away and (B) is sort of like saying NO ONE can ever be happy if one person on the planet is sad. It's not realistic.

    What you don't want to do is go wackadoo with the feelings. In other words, you don't want to scream and tear out your hair and cry the moment you lay eyes on the baby. OR you don't want to laugh insanely, snatch the child away and run as far and as fast as you can with the baby. You know what I mean...

    That being said, be respectful of your feelings and breathe, breathe, breathe your way through this visit. Take it one moment at a time. Go out for a walk if you need to or take a moment in the bathroom to let your eyes well up. But remember this: You are strong and capable and this, too, shall pass. You'll make it through this and come out on the other side.

  4. To reiterate what everyone has said before me...You are not a horrible person!
    It is something we have all had to struggle with, seeing what we want, in the arms of someone else. It can be truly heartwrenching.

    Be kind to yourself. Be gentle. If you really can't handle it, dont force yourself! But you may find that it is not as horrible as you had imagined, and perhaps it will be a step forward...