I wrote about being 5% Hopeful 2 weeks ago, knowing it would be a 2ww. We tried naturally and I was conflicted. Conflicted because I wasn't sure if I could endure a 2ww even though I knew the chances were very slim - I was still 5% hopeful.
And I've been pretty good these last 2 weeks but, of course, it has been on my mind, pretty much every day, several times a day, but just gently there, so I guess that was good.
And this morning cuddling with my husband, I said, I know I have to wait till tomorrow to really know. He said try not to let it ruin your birthday weekend. And I said - but it's the not knowing that is the hardest.
And I guess Mother Nature wanted me to know so I wouldn't continue to have a hard weekend - I saw my period when I finally got up to go to the bathroom. Oh well. It really was just 5%, probably not even...
That's ok. At least I know. And it's not shocking. It's what normally happens so I'm used to it! (Ha! Not funny, I know... trying to find some humor here)
I had even told him in bed that I may be ready for an IUI again. Even though all I really want is a toddler or a kid. Even though I'm not sure anymore that I want to experience pregnancy and go through baby stuff. I don't think I'm jealous of babies anymore - I'm jealous of toddlers.
It struck me yesterday when I saw a man with a little 4-ish year old girl in a cute dress and I could tell she was telling him all about her day. It was so cute and that's what I so want!!
We go to counseling on Wed and I think that will help on being able to talk about options but I'll also think some more on potentially doing an IUI this cycle, because after all, who am I kidding? If I got pregnant, I'm sure I'd be ecstatic.
I will enjoy playing App.les to App.les today, having great, great friends over - 3 of them with their babies and relish in the amazing weather. And I will enjoy my actual birthday day off on Monday. More on that to come.
And I know I will continue to go to bik.ram ho.t yoga. For those who like those updates, I've been searching each class for the last 2 weeks and haven't come up with golden tidbits but I'll continue to keep my ear open to them. But I will say that it's helped to ground me and give me more peace.
Have a great weekend everyone! Hope you have fun plans too!
1 month ago