So, I can't shake this idea of fostering, or at least foster care to adopt.
I became entranced with it during our second IUI and became convinced this was something I feel led to do after our miscarriage. But... my husband does not. At least not yet, is my hope.
I may not be like most of us in that I'm not sure that I have this strong yearning to have a pregnancy experience. In fact, it scares me, and seems like it would be unpleasant. I don't like being sick. So the thought of possibly being nauseous for awhile, then feeling uncomfortably big, and then potentially going through a birth experience just doesn't seem like something I actually want. Anymore.
Is that weird?
I haven't had much support for this in real life. My mom thinks that I owe it to my husband to try to have natural kids - that it's natural to want natural kids. My mother-in-law just talked about all the potential bad things with foster kids. And my husband feels the same way.
But my heart keeps aching for this option. For kids who already exist. For kids who need to know what love is, what a family is, what stability means.
I also don't know that I'm cut out for babies. Back when I was single, I always thought that if I didn't find someone to marry, I'd adopt a 5 year old when I was 40. I knew that as a single parent, I wouldn't want to deal with all the baby stuff. So, I think having that in the back of my mind has helped me go down this road now.
And I also know that I won't be able to ever do it if my husband isn't on board. And I don't just want him to be on board. I want his heart to ache for these kids too.
Maybe I'm romanticizing it all though. What do I know about this? Yes, there are horror stories out there. I get it. But I think I've also learned with all of this that there are no guarantees. What if we had natural kids and they had a problem, physical or otherwise? What if we had the most loving foster kids? No guarantees.
I've read Piece of Cake by Cupcake Brown and was so moved. I've read Hope's Boy by Andrew Bridge. And was moved.
I know it's not a perfect option. Is there one, though? But my heart continues to ache for this option.
And sometimes I think I might be wanting this option because it seems more tangible. And I still get sad at the thought of not having biological children because I've actually pictured their little faces so many different ways already...
Anyone have any recommendations, other bloggers, experiences, etc.? Infertili-T&A has been really helpful (and also looking for a blog name change by the way!). They are on their way to this option. She said seeing The Blind Side converted her husband :)
If anyone else out there has any advice, resources or thoughts, I welcome them... I covet them!
1 month ago